Luke 7:11–17

¹¹ Soon afterward he went to a town called Nain, and his disciples and a great crowd went with him. ¹² As he drew near to the gate of the town, behold, a man who had died was being carried out, the only son of his mother, and she was a widow, and a considerable crowd from the town was with her. ¹³ And when the Lord saw her, he had compassion on her and said to her, “Do not weep.” ¹⁴ Then he came up and touched the bier, and the bearers stood still. And he said, “Young man, I say to you, arise.” ¹⁵ And the dead man sat up and began to speak, and Jesus gave him to his mother. ¹⁶ Fear seized them all, and they glorified God, saying, “A great prophet has arisen among us!” and “God has visited his people!” ¹⁷ And this report about him spread through the whole of Judea and all the surrounding country.

In the name of Jesus. Amen.

I want to start by giving you a simple exercise to do when you read Scripture that can be very helpful. First, you identify the different characters and then, you pay attention to what those characters do and say.

In this text, the characters, in order of appearance, are Jesus, His disciples, a great crowd following Jesus, a dead man, the man’s mother who is a widow, a considerable crowd following her, and people carrying the dead man’s casket, i.e. the pallbearers. The first step of the exercise is done. Great work! Now, notice what the different characters do and say.

So, first, Jesus: He has compassion. He speaks to the widowed mother. He touches the bier (or coffin). He speaks to the dead man. And finally, Jesus gives the man to his mother.

Next, the disciples: They are silent and don’t do a thing. By the way, that’s not an indictment here. We’re just observing.

The crowd that follows Jesus: They are silent like the disciples until the end when they are rightly fearful because they glorify God by saying, “God has visited His people.” And then, they bear witness because the report about this event spreads.

The dead man: He’s silent when he is introduced, for obvious reasons. But he sits up and begins to speak – even though we aren’t told what he says.

The mother: She’s silent except her weeping which we only know about because Jesus tells her, “Do not weep.” The only other thing she does in the text is also implied. She receives her son when Jesus gives him to her.

The crowd following the mother: They are the same as the crowd that follows Jesus. They are rightfully fearful, glorify God, and tell the event to others.

Finally, the pallbearers: They carry the coffin. They stand still. And they are silent – unless they also fear God and spread the report.

Doing that exercise helps us see that even in a short text like this, there’s a lot going on, but it also helps us see that the text focuses on and is centered around Jesus. Our Lord does almost all the talking. Every other character shares one line of recorded speech, and their words give glory to Him – “God has visited His people!”

That exercise helps us see the main theme of the text: Jesus leads the living and defeats the march of death. Jesus, the Lord of Life, is leading this crowd of people, and when He meets a funeral procession, our Lord doesn’t defer. He doesn’t just stand back out of respect for the widow and these mourners. He brings life out of death like it’s no big deal. He raises this man by doing little more than you would do to wake up a sleeping child.

Today, I want to go one step further and offer you some suggestions on how you should act and behave as a Christian at a funeral. No one likes to go to funerals. Funerals can – and probably should – make us at least a bit uncomfortable. Every funeral is a reminder of the wages of sin (Ro. 6:23) that each of us will be paid unless Christ returns first. But there are a few things in this text that shed some light on how we, as Christians can offer comfort, light, and life even and especially at a funeral because we have passed from death to life (Jn. 5:24).

The focus of the whole text is on Jesus, but also notice where Jesus’ focus is. He’s not very focused on the dead man. He’s focused on the mother. He sees this widow who has already lost her husband, and now she has lost her only-begotten son. Yes, the word there is the same as describes Jesus in John 3:16. Jesus sees this scene and has compassion on her and goes to her first. It is only after Jesus talks to her that He does anything for the dead son.

So, here’s your first funeral etiquette lesson. When you attend a funeral, focus your time and attention on the surviving family and friends. Sure, go ahead and pay your respects at the coffin and share your memories and stories. Doing that can be comforting for the bereaved. But in doing all of that, be more focused on offering comfort to the family than focusing on the person who has died. You can’t give any comfort to the dead. When you are at a funeral, the mourners are the ones that God is calling you to serve. So, serve them with compassion.

That brings us to the second etiquette lesson which is how to comfort, serve, and have compassion on them. Notice what Jesus says to the mother, “Do not weep.” Now, this might sound harsh from Jesus. It isn’t. Remember, we are told specifically that Jesus has compassion on her (v. 13). While our translation uses the word ‘weep’ there, the Greek word for what the widow is doing (κλαίω) is actually stronger than that. The word there means wail, like a hopeless, uncontrollable sobbing.

I want to be clear here. Jesus does weep in Jn. 11:35, when He is at the grave of His friend, Lazarus, but it’s a different word there (δακρύω), and it is clear that Jesus weeps, not because of Lazarus’ death. Our Lord knew that He was soon going to call Lazarus out of death and the grave (Jn. 11:11-15). Jesus doesn’t weep because Lazarus died; instead, He weeps because He sees the great sorrow that death brings to mankind.

Here, Jesus isn’t forbidding that widow from being sad and grieving. What He’s doing is calling her to faith. He wants her to pay attention and see what He’s about to do. He wants her to see that He is the One brings life out of death so she can believe in Him because Jesus Himself is the Resurrection and the Life (Jn. 11:25).

So, my suggestion of how to show love and compassion isn’t to tell people, “Stop crying,” at a funeral. That isn’t going to go over well. Instead, use your words to point people to Jesus. And the best way to do that is to use Jesus’ own words that He uses to comfort people in the face of death. Again, just before He goes to Lazarus’ grave, Jesus tells Martha, Lazarus’ sister, “Your brother will rise again.” Well, change the word for the relationship as needed. “Your mother, your husband/wife, your child, your friend will rise again.” Of course, say this when the deceased is a Christian. But also know that that is true for people who have died as unbelievers. Doing that points the grieving to Jesus who has defeated death because He is the Resurrection and the Life.

That brings us to the final funeral etiquette lesson for today, and this one is maybe the most important. It’s important when you feel the pain of the death of a loved one and it’s important when you are called to comfort others who feel that pain. Grief can be a good work offered to God and neighbor.

The best way to get this across is to consider our love for our neighbor as taking different shapes, and those shapes are defined by the needs of your neighbor and your relationship to that neighbor. Consider the parable of the Good Samaritan (Lk. 10:30-37) as an example. The good Samaritan’s love for the robbed, stripped, beaten, half-dead guy was shaped by the needs of that poor soul lying in the ditch. The Samaritan applied first aid by pouring on oil and wine. He lifted the guy up onto his donkey. He set him up at the inn, prepaid for the guy’s needs, and offered to come back to pay any outstanding debts the guy incurs. The good Samaritan didn’t need to do that for every person he saw along the road that day. If he had poured on oil and wine to every person passing by and hoisted them on his donkey, he would have been arrested. His love for other travelers was simply being friendly, giving them a kind, “Hello,” or an up-nod. His love for others was shaped by their needs and his relationship to them.

In the same way, your love for your parents when you were a child (or if you are still a child) is shaped in such a way that you let them take you to the doctor and behave well. When your parents get to a certain age, your love for them might be shaped by you taking them to the doctor. Again, our love for others is shaped by our relationship to them and their needs.

So, how is your love shaped when your family and friends have died and are gone? Can you still show love to them? Yes, absolutely. Your love for those who are close to you and have died is to grieve their absence. In 1 Thess. 4:13, Paul tells the congregation there that he doesn’t want them to grieve death the same way as those who have no hope. It’s very clear there that grieving is not the problem. It’s grieving without hope that is a problem, which is, in fact, sinful. So, yes grieve knowing that Jesus is the Resurrection and the Life.

Dear saints, Jesus, your Savior, has come to give life and give it to the full (Jn. 10:10). Jesus knows how to get out of death and the grave. He is your Good Shepherd who leads you through the valley of the shadow of death even now. And He is the one who will lead you out of death on the Last Day when He returns. Your God who has, does, and will conquer death has visited you. To Him belongs all glory, now and forever. Amen.

The peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus. Amen.